What is it like to know I am just a instrument?
What is it like to know I really don’t exist?
What is it like to know, there is no control?
What is it like to just be and see the passing?
It is Strange, believe me it is Strange…
for all the doing that I do…and for all the
tricks that I play…to make myself relevant
To make me feel I have had a great day…
As I fall into the lap of my observance,
I see myself as a mere child of this Universe,
Trying to figure out the messages of growth
Every time I see a message from the Master,
it comes coded with my own judgements,
it comes coded with my own struggles,
It is like a puzzle, which I can’t see through,
until I get past my judgements and struggles.
In a moment of wakening it looks like one world,
In another I experience it as a different space
this is the space that slows down my pace.
I feel lethargy and gloom, my body feels heavy,
and I sleep a sleep I don’t want to disturb…
then I slowly awaken to a poem, a poem
which feels light and it absorbs me completely
Now i am light and ready to be a instrument…
to be used completely, to laugh at my controls…
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Published by Rashmi Dixit
My life journey began in a small village in Kanpur, U.P. I was raised by my grandparents for the first four years of my life. During the day I found myself running amidst the farms and the open sky, squinting at the sun. At nights I would sleep under the stars counting them and making weird patterns. The moon was my sleep partner then. My writing journey began at the age of thirteen, in Mumbai, when I bunked a class and found myself hiding from my maths teacher, amongst children, who were writing poetry for a competition. I wrote too, and to my surprise after a week, I was announced as the winner. Couple of months later I found myself battling lung tuberculosis, I was in complete isolation, but poetry gave me company. I wrote some really dark poetry around life and death and how beautiful death was. My writing and my imagination since then has been my greatest friend and confidant.
After my Post graduation in Microbiology, I was hired as a Scientist by a Multinational organisation. However, my soul kept humming a different song, although I was considered to have high potential and was known to be highly competent. After my marriage and two children, and nine years of corporate career, I jumped into humanities. I started conducting leadership workshops and interventions for organizations and I still do. My work helps me connect with the various aspects of human behavior and thus takes me closer to experiencing more of who I am. As a life and executive coach to several people, I observe their brightness and beauty, in their language and actions, and help them to see what I see. This helps them unleash their own spontaneity and experience more of who they really are. My work is my passion and it helps me grow. It makes my writing become more mature and rooted. Both writing and painting are meditative processes for me and help me explore new worlds, while creating deeper presence for myself.
I love to indulge in life, and I cheer for the same. I get excited and enthused about new ideas and great stories. I cry watching emotional scenes in movies and can easily get hooked on to some romantic drama. I love gardening and can be seen communicating with my plants in the mornings over green tea.
Rest you will find in my posts here.
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The Colored Mist 