I open my mouth to say a word,
I pick my brush to paint a picture,
I move my lips to sing a song,
I tap my feet to do my dance,
But then I hear a voice say to me…
Think!…Do you need that expression?
What will people say? Think Think
And lo! the expression is gone…
It left a niggling feeling of void,
I wonder if this feeling I could avoid…
This niggling, turns to anguish sometimes,
The anguish to anger, then I say things,
I shouldn’t and do what doesn’t resonate…
I wish for a genuine self expression,
I wish it for me, I wish it for you,
An expression that defines me,
An expression that defines you…
I wish for a genuine connect…
A connect that refines me…
A connect that refines you…
You ask me the meaning and
you give me your Judgement,
A Judgement that defiles me.
A Judgement that defiles you…
I put on my mask and you put yours,
I won’t touch mine and you too don’t.
Lets be polite, let us all say yes…
The “Yes”sometimes I abhor…
I know in my heart i can take no more.
I can feel the words restraining me.
Then I restrain myself, in the mediums,
I restrain myself, in my thoughts…
I allow clouds of Judgement on my self,
I get tired and allow myself to be swayed,
Then I wonder what would’ve happened
If I had stood my ground and stayed.
I could have brought my uniqueness
I could have brought my genuine expression
To this world I could have given more…
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Published by Rashmi Dixit
My life journey began in a small village in Kanpur, U.P. I was raised by my grandparents for the first four years of my life. During the day I found myself running amidst the farms and the open sky, squinting at the sun. At nights I would sleep under the stars counting them and making weird patterns. The moon was my sleep partner then. My writing journey began at the age of thirteen, in Mumbai, when I bunked a class and found myself hiding from my maths teacher, amongst children, who were writing poetry for a competition. I wrote too, and to my surprise after a week, I was announced as the winner. Couple of months later I found myself battling lung tuberculosis, I was in complete isolation, but poetry gave me company. I wrote some really dark poetry around life and death and how beautiful death was. My writing and my imagination since then has been my greatest friend and confidant.
After my Post graduation in Microbiology, I was hired as a Scientist by a Multinational organisation. However, my soul kept humming a different song, although I was considered to have high potential and was known to be highly competent. After my marriage and two children, and nine years of corporate career, I jumped into humanities. I started conducting leadership workshops and interventions for organizations and I still do. My work helps me connect with the various aspects of human behavior and thus takes me closer to experiencing more of who I am. As a life and executive coach to several people, I observe their brightness and beauty, in their language and actions, and help them to see what I see. This helps them unleash their own spontaneity and experience more of who they really are. My work is my passion and it helps me grow. It makes my writing become more mature and rooted. Both writing and painting are meditative processes for me and help me explore new worlds, while creating deeper presence for myself.
I love to indulge in life, and I cheer for the same. I get excited and enthused about new ideas and great stories. I cry watching emotional scenes in movies and can easily get hooked on to some romantic drama. I love gardening and can be seen communicating with my plants in the mornings over green tea.
Rest you will find in my posts here.
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