I have a neighbor, who doesn’t talk to me. She and her husband look through me, as if I don’t exist. This was not always the case, and there were times about two years back, where we shared good neighbor relations. Until one day she decided not to return my greeting or smile that I shared with her one morning. That whole day I wondered what had gone wrong and blamed myself for having done something, which I may not have ben aware of. I cursed myself for having unknowingly hurt her. I kept smiling and greeting, without getting any response for quite some time. I was disturbed by the pattern and decided to confide in a friend about my issue. Now little did I know that this new friend of mine had panache for drama. She decided on her own to confront on behalf of me, she went ahead to speak to my neighbor about the response that I had been receiving. I was taken aback when I learnt about this from my friend and told her to keep away from such matters and decided not to open up to her about my personal issues. I also thought it would be appropriate to make peace with my neighbor, and directly ask her, what could have gone wrong?
When I knocked on her door, her servant open the door, I waited for around five minutes before she appeared. I asked her, if I could come in and talk to her. She nodded and we sat. When I asked her if everything was, Ok, she said, of course, there is nothing that could go wrong. After a few moments she helped me realize that I had forgotten her birthday, and also did not wish her husband one time. I was taken aback but went ahead to say Sorry. Also mentioned that I can’t remember birthdays and even my mother has similar issues with me. I said thanks and hugged her for have supported me in my realization.
Everything went fine for a couple of months, but again she stopped responding to me. In fact she would turn her back or not face me at all. Even today if she sees me in the elevator she would rather walk the stairs up than take that elevator. It find it strange, but I have now grown. I feel no need to beat myself up and I still forget birthdays. So if I am happy being the way I am, it is perfectly fine for me to have her choice of response.
I do find it odd, but I am definitely not running behind any explanations, not from me and not from her. I am happy that we are able to live adjacent to each other, without the burden of owing anything to anyone.
For a long time I worked with my shadow to see, what is in me that I was projecting on her. Then I came to peace, that there are parts of me, which I will not understand and it is ok, not to. I found completion in my incompletion, just like Amravati the lead protagonist of my upcoming book.
The Colored Mist 